Changes
by Thetwilightimpulse
Summary: This is just a one-shot i wrote from Jake's POV after the chapter "Third Wheel" in New Moon, when he goes home and transforms for the first time! ENJOY! Please, R&R, so i ca nget some feedback. THANXK


As my car pulled into the outskirts of La Push, I began to speed up a little. I didn't know what was wrong with me tonight. I wasn't sure why I said half of the things I did. Of course, I was thinking all of them, but I'd thought that I would never have to guts to say them straight to Bella's face. I knew that Bella was way out of my league. She was beautiful, she was intelligent, she was caring and kind, and sweet.

Bella had of course dated a Cullen. Everyone knew that they were made of money. They drove fast, expensive cars, they had the best clothes, they travelled a lot, and not to mention, they were all intelligent. And on top of that, every single one of them was beyond attractive. I didn't see them much, but on the rare occasion I was in Forks, sometimes I would catch a glimpse. That beauty was not something one would forget.

Bella was in the Cullen's league. Not mine. I was a freshman, younger than her. I wasn't good looking, I was poor, and I lived with my Dad, who was stuck in a wheelchair, whom I had to take care of. I didn't have a mother, my sisters left La Push as soon as they could. I was stuck here, taking care of my Dad.

Bella had made it clear that she didn't want to be anything but friends. But as long as the opportunity was there, I wasn't going to waste it. I knew it was a long shot, Bella and me. I really like her, and would do anything to make her smile, and if it was me, then she could have me all she wanted.

I pulled my left hand up to my forehead. It didn't feel like I had a fever, but I was feeling strange. I didn't know how to describe it, I'd never felt like this before. It wasn't bad, just different.

I was grateful when I got home; I pulled into the garage, got out, and headed towards the side door, the most convenient entrance from the garage. Billy didn't say anything when I went inside. He just looked in my direction, nodded his head slightly to acknowledge my presence and went back to watching the TV.

I went to my room, and sat on the edge of my bed, my elbows on my knees and my head buried in my hands. I tried to breathe regularly, but it kept accelerating without my permission. I decided this wasn't doing anything, so maybe some food would help.

It took some effort to get up again, but I managed to do it.

"Hey, Jake? You okay?" Billy asked as I walked into the kitchen which was adjacent from the lounge room where he was sitting.

"Yeah, fine." I snapped. Wow, since when did I have a short-fuse? I wasn't sure. It's not like me to snap at someone. I felt guilty immediately.

I walked over to Billy to say sorry.

"Sorry" I said as sincerely as I could.

"It's ok, you just look…… strange."

My body started shaking with rage, and I tried to stop it. I was being stupid, Billy just said I looked strange, nothing to get worked up over. But no matter how much I knew I was being over dramatic, I couldn't stop my body from reacting. The convulsion started speeding up. First it was just my hands, and then it travelled up my arms, my shoulders, and my abdomen. It was everywhere. What the hell?

I grinded my teeth together and squinted my eyes shut trying to stop the violent convulsions, but they wouldn't stop.

This heat travelled through my body, almost egging on the tremors, as the pain coursed through me with the heat. My body just sort of, tore apart from itself, and then I don't know what happened. All I know is that when I looked down, I saw paws, and long russet fur. I've lost it; I've gone mad, literally. I think I'm a dog. Bella thought she was crazy, but I could top that. I actually thought that I'm a human inside the body of a wild animal. Billy is going to lock me up in an asylum or something, for sure.

Billy looked at me from his wheelchair with shock written all over his face. It only took him a minute to compose himself, and spoke to me as if I were a small child.

"Now, Jake. It's ok. You just need to relax and calm down. I'll explain everything in a minute."

I wanted to scream at him. Calm down, he wanted me to calm down. I started yelling at him "WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO ME?!!!" But nothing came out, only this awful barking. Then it hit me, Billy has said "I'll explain." What did that mean? He knew this was going to happen, and he didn't even warn me?

I went to grab his arms and shake him, demanding him to explain what the hell was wrong with me. But a big paw almost swiped him in the face.

Oh no! What had I done? I'd almost attacked my disabled father. I wanted to apologise but once again, yelping came out of my mouth.

Oh my god, I'm crazy. I started hyperventilating, with my eyes darting around the room, trying to find an escape from this madness. I never wanted to admit it, but I was scared.

"Stay where you are Jake. It's going to be ok," Billy said as he wheedled himself towards the phone and started dialling.

"Sam, its Billy."

Sam? Was Sam in on this? What if Sam did this to me, like payback for laughing at his stupid gang behind their back's or something. What if this was some strange kind of voodoo that someone put a curse on me.

What is wrong with me? Voodoo? Curses?? I'd really lost it; none of those things are real. I didn't know what to believe anymore, I'm a dog for Christ sakes. If I can turn into a dog, then couldn't curses by real too?

"It's happened. No, I want you to get Embry. It'll be easier if Jake hears it from him. Yeah, ok. See you soon. Yeah, Bye." Billy hung up the phone at focused his attention on me again.

"Ok, Jake. Now, I need to get you outside. Stay right where you are and I'll open the back door for you," Billy said calmly as if I was 5 years old again.

He wheeled himself over, opened the door and went back over to the other side of the room.

"Go on," Billy encouraged me.

I walked towards the door, but I didn't see how I would fit. I attempted it but my shoulders got stuck. I tried to manoeuvre my body in a different angle to squeeze through the nonexistent space.

As soon as I was free, I didn't know what to do. Billy was at the door in an instant, with a serious look on his face.

Then I heard it,

_Jake? It's Embry. _

What the hell. I was hearing voices. I really was crazy. But not only that, I knew these voices. That's a bad sign. Only thing I know about hearing voices was about people who suffered from schizophrenia. Was I schizophrenic? Perhaps, that would explain the voices, but not the dog body.

_Man, __you're not schizophrenic. Calm down and listen. Stay where you are, I'll be there in a minute. _

I didn't know what to do so I just stood there. It was weird, I could see into his head as clearly as he could see into mine. Not only thoughts, but smells, and feelings and textures and I could see what he was seeing. I started breathing heavily, just hoping this was a seriously bad nightmare and that I was going to wake up from in my bed, covered in sweat.

_This isn't a dream, Jake. As hard as it is to believe at the moment, this is reality._

I heard a ruffling of bushes behind me, and as I turned around to look, a giant wolf was standing in my backyard. He was very tall, grey fur with black patches randomly scattered over his coat.

_Embry? _I asked

_Yeah, it's me_

_What the hell is wrong with me? I'm going crazy. All I knew is I come home from the best night of my life, and I exploded into this…this…I don't know what the hell happened. I'm wracking my brains trying to think logically, because nothing I've come up with sounds rational. I'd be chucked into a mental hospital and be sedated for the rest of my life…_

_Jake, calm down and I'll explain. _

And then I saw it. Everything. These legends that were actually histories. That there wasn't a gang in La Push, it was a pack of werewolves sworn to protect the reservation and all humans. Then there came the why, because there were actually vampires that were living in Forks. Well, had lived in Forks. They were the reason that my life was ruined and nothing would ever be the same.

As if I needed another reason to hate the Cullen's. They had destroyed Bella's life, and now they had to destroy mine. Why did they even exist? Just to destroy innocent people's lives and leave, repeating the process wherever they went. Like a tornado, wherever they were, destruction was left in their wake. Bella dated one of them, the young bronze haired one. Did she know? She must have know, they were ice cold, didn't breathe and were monstrous.

_Sorry about avoiding you. When we__'re new, we can't be around normal humans. When we get too mad, we explode and transform. It's involuntary. _Embry tried to explain when Sam had told him about avoiding humans.

_What? Are you saying that I can be around people? _

_Yeah_

_But what about Bella?…... I can't leave her…. I promised her I wouldn't ever leave her, like Cullen did. _

_Sorry man, but I don't make the rules. _

_Why? _I demanded furiously.

Then Embry replayed what had happened with Emily when Sam lost his temper once. Emily screaming on the floor in pain, blood oozing from her face. Sam looking at his paw covered in Emily's blood. His distraught, helpless feeling that surged through his body. But most painfully guilt and disgust. He was disgusted with himself. He hated himself, he had hurt the love of his life, and she was in pain because of what he was. Sam couldn't even change himself back and call for help because he was so distraught. He hid in the forest and withered in agony trying to calm himself down enough to change back.

Anger coursed thought me. It's Cullen's fault that I'm like this. It's his fault that Bella is broken and it's his fault that I can't see Bella. It's his fault that I'm going back on every promise I made to her.

"I'll always be here for you, you know that right? I would never ever hurt you."

My words rang in my ears what I had just said an hour previous. It's going to kill her, I knew it would. I'm going to kill her

I didn't know what to do, I instantly loathed myself.

_I'm sorry. _Embry said.

I felt embarrassed because I knew that he could see what a wimp I am. He could see how much I loved Bella, how much it killed me that she didn't want me back.

_It's not your fault_ I said.

_Here, I'm going to show you how to change back. _

Embry demonstrated how to change back, and he was standing in front of me naked. He phased back again, so he could talk me through it.

_Umm…Where were you clothes? _I asked, kind of embarrassed, looking at my best friend naked.

_When we change, our clothes rip apart. So, if you want to wear your clothes again, you have to take them off before phasing, _he explained.

_Oh… I'm going to try and phase back. _

I tried to imitate exactly what Embry had done. It didn't really work the first twenty times, but I got it eventually.

I didn't care that Embry was watching me, I sunk to my knees naked. Curled up into a ball, and cried. I didn't care that I was cold, I didn't care the I was naked and that the rest of the pack would see. I didn't care that Embry was watching me with pity in his eyes.

He walked off, and I understood that he wanted to give me space.

I had never cried like this in my life. It was over.

I was filled with hate. I HATED Cullen. He has smashed everything I have. He essentially killed Bella. She was a wreck, still is, when he dumped her in the most cowardly way possible. Now, it wasn't enough just to wreck her life, he needed to finish mine off too. I'm this disgusting beast who could hurt the people I love, because of him. I almost mauled Billy's face tonight. Look what Sam has done to Emily. Every time he looks at her, he knows that it's his fault he hurt her. Now, I can't see Bella, because I might hurt her.

I promised Bella I would never ever leave her like Cullen did. Now, it's his fault that I will have to break her. I love her so much, and I'm going to hurt her like that parasite did. Only my betrayal is because of HIM. His betray is because of himself. Everything horrible that has happened to me is because of that vile, detestable, abominable, despicable bloodsucker.

I tried to calm myself down, I didn't want to phase back into that ferrel monster HE made me become.

As if I needed another reason to want to kill him, literally. I would seriously kill him if I saw him. Payback for what he did to Bella. For what he did to me.

I tried to get up, and wipe away my tears. I didn't want anyone to see me. This weak, vulnerable wreck who isn't man enough to accept what he is and move on. I wanted to do that, but it hurt so much.

Bella. I'm sorry; I thought as I wiped the tears from my eyes and made my way towards my house.

Billy was there in the living room. He looked at me with his concerned eyes, but I ignored them. That wasn't important. I stormed into my room and slammed the door behind me. Collapsing onto my bed. I didn't care the all of the dirt and miscellaneous barks that got stuck to my naked body was getting my bed filthy.

I let myself go. Crying, until I drifted off into a sleep, that couldn't erase the agony, distress and anguish I felt.


End file.
